i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
