this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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