Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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