I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
