Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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