I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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