i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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