Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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