i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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