i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
