he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
