season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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