Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
