Yo dont text me then not text me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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