We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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