Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
