you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
