Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
