Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
