In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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