Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
