Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
