Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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