my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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