is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
