I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Mom said you looked used
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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