I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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