fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
