I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Two words: blizzard sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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