Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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