But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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