We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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