if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
