Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
