I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
