im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
