why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's always time for handjobs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize