I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
