I need help removing her.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
