Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
