After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
