If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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