Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
