You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
