It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
