wanna go halves on a baby?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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