Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
