hotel room ftw
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
