i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
