3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
