Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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