They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize