shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize