Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
