don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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