he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
