I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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