i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
