Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
