loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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