We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
