My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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