dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
