You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
