K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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