hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize