are you still at the devil's house?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
