I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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