Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
