His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
