I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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