dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
