There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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