I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
