On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
