Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
