Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
