Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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