Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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