So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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