I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
