I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
