A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
