plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
