There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
