talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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